Twilight Fans NotSoAnonymous!
by speaking-of-italy
Summary: You know you're a Twilight fan when...


**You know you're a Twilight fan when…**

You made Cullen Miis for your Wii. (haha I did this! It's fun! Bella, Alice, Esme, and Emmett all look great. Carlisle, Jacob, Jasper, and Rosalie look good. Renesmee was hard to do. Edward just doesn't quite measure up. It's fun to make little human Bella beat Emmett!)

Any of your friends mention a trip to Seattle or any other city in Washington, you ask to go and immediately calculate the distance to Forks. (A friend of mine mentioned maybe moving to Seattle when he graduated. I immediately said that was a great idea and I would come visit. Then I busted out laughing. Sadly, two of my other friends had the same thoughts.)

You think Dracula is silly and a sad excuse for a vampire. (I just shook my head all the way through watching Dracula the other day. He just doesn't seem the same.)

You believe vampires exist and you know they sparkle.

You imagine yourself in intimate situations with one or more (or all) of the Cullens. (No comment)

You do not find it disturbing that the above mentioned fantasies could technically be considered necrophilia… if it's a Cullen, who cares? (Truthfully, I didn't even think about it until my grandmother mentioned that she imagined kissing Edward was somewhat similar to making out with a corpse. I do NOT think of Edward that way, neither does my mama. Haha. I was a little hurt that my grandmother considered Edward dead, actually.)

You hyperventilate whenever you see a shiny silver Volvo, a rusty old Chevy, a red BMW M3, a jacked up jeep, a black Mercedes, an 80's model Rabbit, a Vanquish, Ferrari, or yellow Porsche (good luck on the last 3!).

Your dream car is one of the previously mentioned.

You've become a contributor in a foundation geared to save wolves… especially the russet colored ones.

You think your best friends are lacking some skill because they're not psychic shop-a-holics or shape shifting wolves. (It wouldn't hurt.)

You fully support the Florida gators because you know Emmett watches the games. (Tebow doesn't hurt either. Haha but I'm an SEC supporter in general)

You think hunting with guns is cheating. (This occurred to me in the woods Christmas Day… I laughed at my 30-30. It doesn't compare to vampire teeth. Silly gun.)

You want your honeymoon to be on Isle Esme… with Edward.

You no longer think any intimate act is "good" unless a headboard or pillows are ruined in the process.

You'll never look at Michelangelo's David the same, but you also believe Edward is slightly more "blessed." (This is true, and Edward has better hair... On his head… the big one… on top of the 6 feet…ya know, this is hard. Dang it! Once my mind ventures to the gutter, it lingers.)

You have considered dying your hair blonde and learning everything about everything about cars. (I'm no Rosalie, but I can change my own oil! And I'm a brunette.)

You compare your boyfriend's sensitivity to your feelings to how sensitive Jasper would be.

You're suddenly into home renovations and are in search of a perfect little cottage to revamp. (ha pun.)

You frequently visit your local hospital to check for young, blonde, amber-eyed doctors.

You refuse any medical treatment unless from a doctor meeting that description.

You get upset when you fall and no beautiful, pale man saves you… maybe if you almost get hit by a van…

You think pale is the new tan. (I could save a lot of money from the fake bake.)

You want amber-colored contacts.

You ask your boyfriend to rub donuts on his neck instead of cologne so you can more easily imagine him as a sweet smelling vampire. (I was thinking of making a trip to Shipley's Donuts at this time…)

You have spent more than 5 minutes contemplating vampire anatomy… all of it. (You'd be surprised how often that comes up in conversation…)

You have made a joke about Edward never having erectile dysfunction at least once. (haha. I have several times, and better yet, my perverse 55-year old mother also did after reading BD.)

You have reread Wuthering Heights just to give Heathcliff and Cathy one more chance. (I plan to, actually. I've never been a fan of either of them.)

You'll never watch or read Romeo and Juliet again unless Edward recites Romeo's lines for you.

You want a charm bracelet with a little carved wolf and a heart shaped rock on it. (I bet that would sell.)

You're trying out a new freesia perfume in hopes it attracts a few vampires.

You want to install a wall of windows in your house.

You ride motorcycles to hear Edward's voice, too.

When you think of Italy, you think of Volterra. (Rome? What's Rome?)

You've named a pet or child after one of the Cullens. (I almost named my dog Bella before I read the books. Now, part of me wishes I had. She's rather clumsy to have four legs. One of my best friends did name her dog after Alice, though.)

You're going to name your daughter Renesmee, even though you think it's the strangest name in the world. (Yeah, try to explain that to people when they ask where the name came from. "Oh, I named her after the half-human-half-vampire baby that Edward impregnated Bella with while she was still human on their honeymoon to the private island named after his pretend mother--Isle Esme. Don't worry this Renesmee is all human, though!" They make think you're taking post-partum depression to a whole new, slightly insane level… unless, of course, they've read Twilight.)

You genuinely love the name Renesmee.

You never doubted Bella's sanity. (I didn't until she started hearing Edward's voice. That was…different. Then I realized if I was going to doubt her sanity, it probably should've started with her deciding it didn't matter if she loved a vampire. I am incapable of thinking that though, hence Bella is perfectly sane.)

Twilight is your favorite time of day.

You're suddenly interested in cliff diving, and not the way Esme did it.

You don't believe in love at first sight, but imprinting, on the other hand, is perfectly logical.

You have the urge to decorate your house in varying shades of white.

You wish all men were vampires so they'd be monogamous. (The thought's crossed my mind a time or two.)

You're too picky when you date because you compare your suitors to Edward, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper. (I have always been picky because I expect a genuinely decent man. There are few if you're unaware. But now I am exponentially more picky. Thanks, Stephenie Meyer.)

You manage to work the word "masochistic" into daily conversation. (I don't, but I do laugh if somebody does. A friend of mine referred to her dog as a masochist the other day. I snickered. She didn't get it. If you wonder why I reference dogs so much, I'm pre-vet and all of my friends are animal lovers.)

Every time you hear thunder, you think it's actually a vampire homerun. (People look at me funny when I laugh in thunderstorms. People look at me funny a lot lately. Mostly because it reminds me of something Twilight related and I am easily amused. Or they think I'm crazy. One of the two.)

You quote lines from the books at every opportunity and then giggle to yourselves. People look at you like you're crazy, but you're always so pleased with yourself. (For instance, my dad asked me if he thought my dog would get cold. She's a Shih Tzu and she's NEVER left outside. He was concerned with her getting cold at my apt while I'm in class. First of all, we live in MS. It's not THAT cold. Secondly, it's not like I don't leave the heat on. And third, she's a dog. Her body temp is about 101.7. She won't get cold. But my parents are in love with my dog; she is rather adorable. So back to the quotes business. I told him **"Don't worry. She has a fur coat." **I was quite pleased with myself for quoting Edward. He, however, thought I literally bought the dog a fur coat. Ridiculous. Worse, he seemed to think it was a good idea. I think he's getting soft in his old age. I told him I meant her fur fur. He mumbled something under in his breath, but I caught the word "smartass" in there somewhere. My mama understood and was also giddy at my Edward reference.)

You refer to showers and/or bathroom breaks as needing "a human minute."

You can no longer listen to your uncle's war stories without thinking it's got nothing on the Vampire Wars of the South.

Your new favorite song is "Claire de Lune" because Edward likes it.

Muse is one of your favorite bands because they inspire Stephenie Meyer.

You would buy Grandma Swan's Recipe Book.

You made Valentine's Day/Singles' Awareness Day Cards for all your friends. They were all Twilight themed. (ha and they're freaking adorable too! I'm 21 and I did this. Yes, I should've taken more hours this semester. We're having a party tonight though and I thought it was fitting. I liked two of them so much I kept them for myself for bookmarks.)

One of your best friends made several people Valentine's Cards but yours was Twilight themed. (And he's 27. haha Anyway the one he made me made me laugh. It's a picture of Edward and Bella sitting on the rocks from the movie. Under it he wrote "I love you so much! I'll cut a bitch for you!" There was an arrow pointing up to Bella. Ha I laughed, although I've never thought of harming Bella. As much as I would love to have Edward all to myself, it doesn't matter. There's no Edward without a Bella. So I love Bella too. Ha but the intention was kinda hilarious.)

You will be throwing a party for the Twilight on DVD release date. (Yes, yes we will. We've already discussed watching it several times that night and all the features. And then comparing it to the book and watching it again. It's gonna be fun! My mother may even drive up haha.)

You saw the movie so much in theatres you started remembering scenes from the book that weren't actually there. (The two that I kept thinking were there: biology when the teacher comes over and tells Edward to let Bella do it, and he says she did most of it. The other is when they're in Edward's room and she mentions the CDs. I always wait for her to ask how he's got them arranged. There are others, but those stick with me.)

You will go opening night and several several other nights to see New Moon. (We've already planned this as well even though we'll all be in different places next semester.)

You will go see "Little Ashes" because you're interested to see Edward play a bi-curious artist. (I have to admit I find it intriguing haha. I will forever see Robert Pattinson as Edward, so it's gonna be hard to shake the thought he's cheating on Bella. Ya know poor Robert Pattinson though. It'll be like Daniel Radcliff in Harry Potter only better looking. I'm sure everybody will see him as Edward from now on. He just looked like what I would've pictured Edward to be. Talk about great casting.)

**A/N: I'm sure there are a billion more, and if you think of any, just leave them in a review! Oh, and if you're interested in reading a story that takes place six years after Breaking Dawn, then you're in luck! I'm writing one. It's from Bella's perspective. I'm trying to stay in character with everybody. It's gonna have some action in it since it's about a war. I think you should check it out! It'll be a decent size when I'm done. Read it and let me know what you think!**


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